So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
