man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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