dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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