I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
