my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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