I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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