Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
