i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
