dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
