Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
