even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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