Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
