i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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