i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
