You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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