Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Barsexuality is the new black.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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