And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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