Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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