That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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