Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
