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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
