I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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