But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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