this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I think I just sharted jello shots
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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