I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
