I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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