I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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