Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
How's work?
Spinning.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
