I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Randomize
