Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
