My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
