Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
