I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
