Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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