you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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