I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
