I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
