so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
