so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
