What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
