I hate your face
im about as happy as oj after his trial
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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