i need an iv and a liver transplant
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
