its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
