ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
