I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
