Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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