of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
