i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
