Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
