New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
