I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
