If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
