Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
