Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
