This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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