One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Vodka?
Forever.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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