batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
