She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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