I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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