how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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