:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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