Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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