Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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