my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
