Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
